Wade Belair’s villain origin story.

0:13 My name is Travis and this is Bestie approved. I'm here with my new friend Wade Belair. Belair? Belair? Yes, Belair. Beautiful. My new friend Wade who wants to get into podcasting and kind of like we're gonna see where the vibe takes us. I think this is gonna be really cool. Wade's a really cool guy and I can't wait to get to know him a little bit better. So Wade, I'm gonna let you introduce yourself. Well, first of all, thank you. I'm also very excited and thank you for having me. I am Wade Belair. I live in New York City. I invest in startups, mostly consumer startups, planning on going back for my master's in psychology and mental health counseling out of passion. And I love men. Yes, yes trying to get it try my hand in podcasting a little I have done a few and Felt a twinge and I'm trying to follow that and lean into it and here we are nice. I love it What's the I guess what's the what podcast have you done if you don't mind me asking? I did. So I did one that I think I sent you called Wellness Cowboys, which is with my friend Monica Clark, who is this kind of model and social entity here in the city. And then

1:47 I actually was just in Austin last week for this woman, Carrie's podcast, who has a podcast called Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, which is about dating narcissists. Nice. Yeah, it was a very... It's a very intense name like of the podcast and people ask me what I was coming out and I say it's like, wow, but it's like, she's actually, she's very smart, very cool. No, I'm sure. It's very, it's very heavy, but the conversation is not as, I mean, it is, but it's not as like serious. Like we were having fun, but we talked. I mean, we went for like three or four hours in her studio in Austin and I'm excited to see it. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that. Sorry, I'm turning on my do not disturb because I I did not think to myself about how many people text me 9 ,000 times a day and it's okay. I Know that's always when I'm doing this. I was on a call before my mom my sister Like several people like my sister never calls me I'd call me during it and I was like someone is dead, but no one was that it's just Christmas Christmas What's the last song you listen to wait The last song I listened to, actually I just looked when I saw that you had asked that. It was actually Lollipop by Lil Wayne. I was in the gym. I have a very, my playlist of like liked songs on Spotify

3:18 that I listened to when I worked out is like a very scary, like how the spectrum of it, cause it can be like, it's usually a very, very weird, like off brand I know, but it's usually very, very like heavy metal or like heavy rap. yeah or it can be like my cry playlist which is like kings of leon and stuff and which i'll like main full main character and like hands on hips cry or it will be like something like that like throwback 2000s late 90s like that like well i thought by lil wayne i love that i know it's like all of those things and like it's very but like when i put it on and people can hear it they're like you seem like a psychotic person like it's a manic playlist I don't think it's manic. I grew up listening to like Trina and Missy Elliott and like Little Kim. And I you couldn't tell me anything when I was in like eighth grade, like listening to Deep Trina. Like it's fine.

4:16 I know. We took on different personalities and we were like these little white kids in middle school. with like you know little Nike dunks and like listening to those songs and I would like embody that I think yeah like this is me Lil Wayne is I can relate I can relate to all of his lyrics I'm the diamond princess why not yeah yeah nice um my last song was Good Boy by Z Machine he's like I'm really really into his stuff right now I don't know who that is it's uh A gay guy out of like, I think he was originally from like Michigan or something. And then he moved to Los Angeles and he like just does really good music. You need to look him up at ZEE machine.

4:59 He's really good. Love him. Oh, yeah. He looks like he's gay from Michigan. I moved to Los Angeles. This is like, OK, I will. I have this now noted. This is a grungy vibe, but I could like this. I like everything. It's a little grungy, but some of it's also very poppy. The Good Boy song is very, very 2012 pop. It's very good. I like that. He reminds me of these gay pop... What I think we're not there was like a boom for a while like choice of on and people like that and then I there's been like a law like I don't hear I haven't heard a thing from him even on social media like I haven't seen really or heard from him or Anyone like him. I was just listening to him with Dua Lipa because I think he did a remix I think I know it like that's the only thing I've heard from him and probably two years though. Like it's okay Okay Well, yeah, I don't dabble in, I mean, like, same with like, even just like gay adjacent, like Charlie XCX. I'm like, I just like, I don't know, there's no reason.

6:17 It's not because it's not because it's like, I'm like, I don't want to listen to gay music. It's more like, it just doesn't do it. It doesn't tickle me. Like, it doesn't do it for me. But I'm not against it. People will play it at like, you know, like when we're all together and whatnot. Like, I'm not like turn this off. But it's just like in my own time, I haven't really gotten into it. I should try a little more. Do you know what I feel like right now? God, what's the clip of Tyra Banks going, get the fag off my TV screen? I know. Whenever I say that, my friends are like, you're a self -loathing gay. I'm like, I'm not. I just don't. I get it all the time. It's fine. I get it all the time. My one friend was like, I feel like you go to rallies. Like the Methodist Church rallies. I because I because he think because I say these things where I'm like, I don't like it. He'll like send me a song or like someone's post and I'll be like, fuck them. I don't like that. And he's like, come on. I just don't. I don't know. Doesn't do it for me. But I'll give it a try. I'll give ZZ. I've never heard. So I have to give it a fair shot. Give him a fair shot. I think you'll like him. I will.

7:23 Have you ever played? We're not really strangers. No, but I saw I let me click on it. I saw this link and I I like the thought of it. Let me click it. OK, yeah. So it's like, OK, so it's kind of like Cards Against Humanity. Like it's like a card. I like kind of like, yeah. OK, OK. I'm just going to pick a random one on here. And it's like questions for like meaningful connection. OK, let's do this one. I actually really like this one. Who inspires you and in what ways are you like this person? That is a hard one. Who inspires me? I wish I could say someone who's more in the public eye, but I will say, and this one's a bit tacky, but I do actually believe it is my dad because I strive to have this duality that he has, which is being very... like very direct, very strong willed, very smart and like very strong opinion. But then also he has like, he balances it very well with like open mindedness and like this weird, even though he's this very like strong, cold man, like this tenderness as well. I don't know. He has this like what you,

8:54 I imagine like the perfect duality of man is supposed to be. And like I find myself like leaning one way or the other where I'm, you know, try to like have, it's hard to do both. It's hard to be both. And I wish I had more time to think. There's definitely like also people who are in the public eye that I think I'm like, this is like, this is who I base my life off. I also, there's a lot of celebrities that like I base like Mike, I sometimes will like influence like my character. I love like, there's like actor, you know, you watch like a show and like the you, your personality changes while you're in the midst of watching a show. Like I have that a lot as well, but on a deeper level of dad.

9:35 Nice. I love that. Yeah, it's really cool. What about you? Um, God, it is a hard one. Um. Honestly, Bethany Frankel. See, that's a good one. I wish I had a more playful one now. No, it's like she's like my hero and like I remember watching her on uh, the real house lives in new york and Like watching her like literally be completely broken then like come from nothing and then like her backstory is actually really interesting because like she grew up on like the racetrack where her dad was like racing horses and it was like a whole thing and then she like figures out the skinny girl margarita and then like blows that up into like a hundred million dollar brand and then like I don't know she and I were going at least she was going through her divorce at the same time I was going through like the most horrific breakup and like I remember watching that and being like oh if she can come back from like what she thought was her forever I'm gonna be fine and like I like I Try to be like we're like she can be very abrasive and very aggressive.

10:46 I think I can be too but like I think I try to take some of that and be like I know what I'm doing like I'm confident like I'm good at Everything that I like put my mind to so like I think in that way. I'm kind of like her Okay, that's a good answer also and she is a she actually is a good one. She's one of those sneaky Sleeper cells where it's very easy to paint her as like look at this like funny social media clown Who's like, you know eating chicken salad, but it's like when you really break it down. You're like look how smart She is when it comes to like how she's building out her personal brand her actual brand her business and then like how she plays the game of You know being in the public eye and public eye and you know an influencer politics like she does she is smart and clever and She does have a good direct like arc again. Not just but the parents calling my dad I heard like moral compass is very like true, you know, and she expands by it Like she says like she's she has this like code almost of life and like people and like how she like who she like it's it's interesting she is I also think like a sleeper cell of someone who's like very smart and very impressive. Nice. I love that. I'm also like I always get worried when I say that because like she's such like a polarizing person where like you never know what you're going to get when you say something like her. I know. But I also like don't I think she is like I feel like she is polarizing but like for not really like what has she really done or said that's

12:16 like that. Controversial, you know, it is people who hate on her for like very like silly stuff. Yeah, it's never like she's never actually like I've never heard of anything like where it's like, oh my god damn, like, you know, she crossed the line. It's always like it's usually like she's too direct, which is a good thing. And it is going to ruffle a lot of feathers. But it's like when you call someone or something out, like there's always backlash. She's good at that. Yeah. I don't know. I if I can ever get famous for eating chicken salad. God bless. I know, I know. She's got a good, she's got a good system too. Yeah. Do you want to do some rapid fire this or that before we jump into complaining and your story? Yeah. Nice. Okay. Would you rather always feel understood or always feel appreciated?

13:08 Appreciate it. Okay. Would you rather be recognized for your intelligence or for your kindness? Kindness. Would you rather know when or how you're going to die? How? Okay, interesting. I know when is scary, how it leads a little still up to. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know when this is going to happen. I don't like, I don't like, I don't like an exact date. There's because you can. I saw something about this recently where you can like, you can like, there are companies now that like want to like genome map you that can show you like, if you're going to have, like you're, if you're, if you're going to have Alzheimer's, it can tell you like definitively, like if you, this gene is going to come up in you. And it's like, I don't want to know that now. Cause like, it would be in like 30 years, no, there's no prevention. Like there's no, there's nothing you can do. So it's like, if you're going to have Alzheimer's, like you're basically just telling you and you can prepare like lifestyle wise again, like. As you have children and what not be like just so you guys know and at some point I'm gonna not you know whatever but. You can't do anything so it's like you can't do anything about it's like that says it's so sad it just it would just ruin your now ruin the whole journey up until that point. You're gonna find out anyway.

14:28 It's gonna hit us it's gonna hit as hard no matter what someone told me that the other night I thought about it for a while. If you know you're gonna die or change how you live now. Which maybe it could in a good way. There's an argument for both. But like, I don't know. They tell you you're gonna, I don't know. I'd rather just know how. And I'm hoping the how is like not crazy. Interesting. Okay. Like opposite we're like, I'd want to know exactly when and like, I don't care because I don't know that I care how and like, I think, yeah, like figure out like, just how to like, you got to like, you just got to live life up until that point. And I think that's kind of a lesson of like, Oh, do that anyway, but like, I think if I knew, like, I'm gonna die, like it's because I know it's gonna be like, I'm gonna fight with someone and I'm gonna get like my head blown off or something stupid. I think also like my ego was like, if I know how I can like beat it, like, you know, if it's like you're going to get like hit by a car, like I will like always actively avoid being near traffic. You know, like I could like I could like beat it.

15:34 But I was like, think that's more of like my nerd answer. OK, but yeah. Would you rather know what the happiest day of your life is going to be or the worst day of your life is going to be? I feel like I already know what my worst day of my life is going to be. So I'd rather hear happiest than I somehow look forward to. Okay. And then last one, would you rather fight a hundred duck -sized elephants or one elephant -sized duck? A hundred duck -sized elephants. Okay. I think I can handle that. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do with an elephant -sized duck. No, no, no. Yeah, I could do the former. I can handle those little guys. Yeah. What do you have to complain about right now? Well, I don't know how much you can relate to this, but it's a very like, I mean, it actually is in every city. But my big complaint in New York as of late is not just slow walkers, but it is like reckless, inconsiderate walkers who like stop in the middle, not even to do anything, like just stop and kind of like mosey. And it's like always tourists always like Italian it's always like people who are from like leisure places where you are supposed to like stop and like smell the roses and like take things in where it's like for us we're like i literally am gonna die in 20 seconds if you don't move yeah and like so i like i get i've been getting really worked up where i've started i've started to get like audible which is i'm trying to correct myself for like i'll be like come on like i'll

17:06 be like how's your walking and like i then i have my airpods in i kind of forget that i'm actually like it's like intrusive thoughts oh but It's gotten bad recently. I know and here it's like especially this time of year when there are hordes of people for Christmas like you know like the tree and like New York and the Christmas time is like just such a thing and like there is an influx and you're also kind of like pissed because you're like trekking through snow and you're cold so you're like even more irritable and then like so it's just like a bad combination. I've been like I almost can. Purchase I go outside like I kept too much I've been restraining no, I'm like I was at the mall literally last week and like it's it gets there's this one mall in India on the north side where it's like it's the wealthy mall and It is just families who have never been to a mall before a day in their life and it's like I was coming out of I think it was Nordstrom's or something and like this family just stops like dead in front of me and like I just walk right into and I was like why would you stop like why why would you stop and this woman was like like just like taking a back and I was like you have to exist like within the context of other people I cannot understand like what you're like what you're talking about is infuriating to me It's the stoppers, too.

18:31 And it's also the arrogance, but they're always arrogant. They always stop, and it's their spot, and they stand, and then you have just horrible thoughts. Then I fucking, I get, that's when I sort of think about things like, how are you gonna die? I was like, I'm gonna fucking, this is a moment. I have bloodlust moments, and it's just so bad, but it's actually something I'm seeing a lot more. Oh, yeah, across like TikTok and stuff where I'm seeing other people who are like So it's interesting. It's like so do you think these people? Are just so unself aware they don't like see this or like acknowledge. How are they so comfortable with it? I just don't get how there's people who are like who act like this, but I don't know that's like anything I have to think that like the problem is is like they in their minds are the only people like they are the main character in their story like it's because I think the thing for me is is like when I'm walking like it is a straight shot to wherever I'm going and like the people that were that will like just like it's just like I'm gonna go in a zigzag pattern and I'm gonna just like I'm gonna go two miles an hour and I'm gonna do my thing because like I am the only person in this space and like that is insane to me it is I actually uh Now that I think about it, I'm a little envious of them. It's kind of like when you have people you know who are kind of like golden retriever people, or the ignorance is bliss kind of mentality, where it's like people whose lives are just so nice and like rainbows, because they're just kind of not thinking deeply about anything. So they're kind of just like, ooh, they're kind of just living. And I'm jealous

20:02 of that, because I'm always constantly overthinking everything, and stressed, and getting worried about things, and angry. And these people are just like going to like look at this store and I don't even think about Everyone around them. It's probably amazing. It's probably so nice. It was a girl I went to school with who she recently had like kind of a break Mentally and like in like a not actual way but like and then I've been posting just her like on the beach like so delusional like just talking about crazy crazy like spiritual Things and like I was like, I'm jealous of this girl Cause she, her life is so, she seems so content and happy and just like checked out from the real world. And that's what I feel like these people are. They're checked out from the real world. They're just like, they don't have any like concept of themselves or awareness or surrounding or anyone else, just themselves. And they're lucky. They're, they are lucky. They're so lucky, blissfully ignorant.

20:59 I'm complaining today about people that like can't help but be the absolute worst people on God's green earth at the gym. Like I've said something similar to this before, but like it has gotten exponentially worse. Like in the past couple of weeks, we're like lifetime fitness where I work out. Like there is like, we have like three in Indy and then one of them is shut down for like there it's being rebuilt or something. So There's an influx of people who like at the gym will spread all of their stuff out across like the entire bench and will go into the sauna where they can't help but let people know what their political affiliations are. And it's like this whole thing of like not being able to and I think it's kind of the same idea where it's like I'm the main character. I'm I'm I'm on this bench and no one else is like in existing here at the busiest time on God's green or to the gym and that's my like personal hell. I think that I got when I get to and I think that's a whole that could be a whole like conversation in itself of just like the different types of gym people like there are a lot and there's there is like the selfish a big one is like in one shape or form like the selfish gym goer and like who like struts around and like their space like every space is just kind of like their space.

22:16 I've had some recently like I go up to like a machine like and they're not near it they're like doing something else but like I'm supposed to know that they were also using this and they'll come over and instead of being like sorry I'm on this like the I've had someone recently like no no no like and I was like oh whoa whoa whoa again seeing red moment uh and like shooing me away and like no and like putting their shit everywhere and like taking over a whole I don't know it's and the sauna one is a whole that's a whole category in itself. People were just like on the blasting there's a blasting their phones on speaker it like I don't bring my phone into the song like it's my time to not have it and like just deep thought uh, and people do that people are just fucking gross in there I had some guy come in the other day who's like talking he just like he came in just no self -awareness like so Just taking up so much room like rubbing up against you when he's so sweaty and like spitting on the ground and like hacking up his and just like Being gross and it's like come on like you have to know that this is like there's there's some etiquette in here and like you can't just like come in here Ruin it ruin my my day You would like you would think but like no they don't and it kind of makes me miss like 2012 gym culture like it's problematic as some of that was like I do miss like Like that mindset that everyone seemed to be in and like I don't I don't know what changed it But like they're like I want to bring some of that back.

23:38 I don't know. Yeah I agree and people are gyms have gotten a lot and you know it's almost like exhausting but I also I know you're talking about like the gym culture there's a there's a my favorite gym is this like really gritty gym down in New Jersey where like we have a beach house and I it's like it's like very it's kind of far away off the beaten path but it's like all just like meathead Like firemen and cops like for obvious reasons. I love it there. But like also It's just like it's just like so no bullshit like no one's talking no one talks like Everyone is just like in doing their own thing headphones in like locked in No lingering on phones. That's you know, taking up like machines You know people like sitting on something and it was on their phone and you're like, I want to fucking Can I please work out on this like you've been on your phone for 20 minutes? I've just seen you sitting here And then the sauna with those guys is also very fun But I'd like I'd get like I have to like lie in there about what I do for work because I like they're all just like yeah I'm a cop and I'll just kind of allude to the fact that I'm a cop maybe too They're sitting on the ground. I'll start spinning on the ground.

24:42 I'm like I have to conform Okay, yeah, I want these guys to like me possibly love me I would love that love story. That sounds beautiful. That's a good joke. You would like this joke a lot. Okay, we will be right back with Wade's full story right after this. Your holidays might be chaotic, but your bed should not be. I'm really into Cozy Earth's bamboo sheets right now. They're ridiculously soft and they'll keep you cool all night. Oprah and Kris Jenner are huge fans and you'll see why. You get a 100 -night sleep trial and a 10 -year warranty, so you really can't go wrong. Dear listener, right now you all get 41 % off of anything on the website. Just go to CozyEarth .com and use the code BESTI at checkout.

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26:22 We're back with Wade I I've heard a little bit of this story, but I want Wade to kind of tell his story because it's actually it's it's it's a beautiful story in that I think a lot of people can relate to it So I want to hear your story like tell the people that you're about your journey and how you got here Yeah, I and I agree. I think that the biggest thing you know, as I've started talking about it a little more openly, and as I'm seeing, which we'll get to at the end, but I'm seeing, like, this trend of others on both sides, like, speaking of this a little more openly on, like, social media. The feedback has kind of been, like, most people, like, reaching out, being like, holy shit, like, I really have an identical story to this. But I can kind of start from, like, the origin of, you know, I had a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was gay and coming out of the closet.

27:18 and grew up in a very like, you know, waspy, almost like TV show -esque town of like, you know, like boys are, boys are being boys and playing football on the cross and everyone's, you know, chasing girls and going to house parties. And it's like the city, you know, it's like, it's like Riverdale almost. And I had a hard time. Coming in terms that I always kind of you know, I obviously people always asked us I did you know you were gay and I always had this Obviously, you know in the back of your mind like I'm attracted to these boys, you know XYZ but like I wasn't thinking in terms of gay or straight and I think the conversation really wasn't even Probably even though I was obviously really young at the time, but like I don't think most people were talking that openly or freely about it in general, but I Then I went, so I was always dating girls through high school, college, and I was horrible.

28:15 And I was, I think when you are repressing anything, you are, you have almost like cancer in your brain or something. It's like a poison and you are just a horrible person to everyone. Like I was a horrible friend. I was lying a lot to everyone. I was treating my friends horribly. I would date these girls and love bomb them and drag them through everything. And just, just to get like a validation for my ego of getting them to say they love me. And then I would. Fully discard and move on and just feed this like empty void in me always knowing like in the back my mind what I wanted and what I was you know, but I never really could put a word or a reason to anything and I had always kind of planned like I was gonna you're just gonna marry a woman one day and you'll cheat on her with men that's like maybe that's your plan of action which is like a sick thought like a 14 year old, you know to already be planning like that's how life's gonna be for you And then I came to, you know, got, I came out of, and there's, you know, there's instances of like, my, one of my best friends who I'm actually seeing tonight, I'm officiating his wedding, he's asking me tonight, but he was dating this girl and I had, this is just a good kind of insight of like what, what it feels like and what you're thinking, how your brain is working in this situation. But like I, just for like my own ego and validation, I think, then, you know, started reaching out to this girl and wanted to get her to. fall in love with me while she's dating my best friend. And she did. And he called me one day and said, he was like, what the fuck are you doing? This is not you. This is not Wade.

29:45 And if you have something you want to tell us, tell us. If not, like, don't talk to me until you figure whatever's going on with you out. So he kind of knew he was alluding to it. So it's like people, you know, people kind of know what that behavior is. And it's like very ironic. It's like the guy who's chasing girls happens to always be the one who's you know the closet or gay guy. So then I came to the city and I slowly started coming out to my friends and they were amazing and like they're my best friends from growing up and they were so excited about it and I loved it and I always my biggest fear was always to be treated like differently and I didn't want to lose that we have this like very unfiltered no holds barred, like humor with each other, where we like really come at each other hard. And I was like, I want everyone to like not, now I have to feel like they have to walk around eggshells with me because I have this, you know, this thing and I don't want to feel like I'm not one of the guys. And it didn't, they immediately jumped in. They're like, hey, you little, you know, you little homo. And they were like trying to, you know, like, and asked me, they want to hear about every escapade and everything. So it was great. So I, and then once that happened, it was like my, everything changed.

30:47 I was able to drop these horrible character traits and like move into life. um all right so then fast forward i then got into like a three -year relationship with um a guy who's a mutual friend of my friends and uh he also closeted gay or bisexual no one really knows only he knows the answer to that but you know in him it manifested very deeper more angry like hateful like he i think he had a Has currently have a harder time than me and I always try to like lead by example But so for these three years or three and a half years, you know, it was always had to be a secret always had to be you know, I always had to Play like just buddy when we were out with our friends which was hard for me to have these feelings and still do this and you know, we would take these pauses so that he could get in these like six month love bomb relationships with girls and move in with them and bring them around because you know He needed the ego validation hit he's older than me mind you and you know, he Would get mad at me if I would get upset or jealous or whatever, you know, even though while he's dating them He's texting me and calling me every day and I was you know my therapist and I and other people always like to do is that like I was actually maybe the first person ever he was able to like have a connection with and be honest with as well as for these girls it was like they're not people to have they were all like trophies

32:18 ego hit validation hit he's like the cliche and so kind of what i was talking about this trend of now you're seeing on instagram like all these girls going around talking about like i think you know dl men and i found out my boyfriend who i was in love with you know was dating was secretly you know hooking up with guys and xyz and it is like this guy fits the he's like the poster child for this of like he always was just like this huge womanizer like had to fucking whenever we'd be out he had to make a point in front of our friends to hook up with and chase a hundred girls and be hypersexual about it and you know whatever and then him and I would go on these long trips together and be in love and talk every day and I was emotional like basically a therapist and you know we had this great emotional connection he was my best friends like there's all this negative but there was a lot of positive like it was I got to date my best friend which was Like that's like the dream. That's like everyone's dream sure And it's very the harder thing is I think when you are in love with someone and they Love you or say they love you and I think he did love you know, you can you can feel what's real and what's not And then the reason you can't be together Isn't because of fundamental reasons like you're not attracted to each other or you fight all the time or whatever that may be but it's because of you know fear and ego and all this bullshit and masculinity and all this, you know, and, uh, and that's really hard. It's the hard pill to swallow. It's like, that's a very sad reason to not be able to be together. If it was, you know, something, again, fundamental,

33:48 like you fight all the time or you're not attracted to it, that makes sense. You're able to like, be like, okay, we tried, but this doesn't work. But it's like, it does work. It did work. It's just, you won't, you know, you don't have the balls to take it to the next level. Um, and he's still on that journey where he's still I don't, I haven't spoken over a year, but from what I hear, same shit, you know, lives, moves in with these girls, doesn't blows it up internally. And then onto the next one. It's just an endless cycle. And, uh, that's his path, his journey, but yeah, but it was hard and it changed me a lot because it, I was like unrecognizable. I love love and I'm a romantic and like I Put everything into that and I was like so I was so horrible in that stage also because I was just like neglecting my friends and work and Life and my you know, my mom called me one day and was crying and she said, you know You're at dinner with your dad and I but it's not my son because I'm either sitting there stewing thinking about you know What did I do wrong? Why is he not texting me back? Why is he not talking to me? Or I'm you know, sure sitting there on my phone strategizing the next text walking on eggshells making sure I don't anger him or trigger, you know, get him mad at me. When she was like, she basically thought, she said, I lost my light and I just wasn't her son anymore. It wasn't like I was not me and my friends, I was unrecognizable physically and mentally. And then like, finally, it's one of those things that you have to go through it to kind of, to get through it. Everyone can tell

35:20 you like that whole time everyone's back, you got to stop this, this is fucked up and this is not good for you and this is not good in general. And he's sick and like, I mean like, sexuality aside, he's just not a good person at his core. There is good in there and I did see the good and it's one of those things you fall in love with someone's potential where you're like, I always said the real person in there is the one who would hold my hand in my room and cry in my arms. But he's just a broken boy from a broken home. So it's not an excuse because you're going to be cruel to people. it doesn't really matter what your origin story is. Like you're still being cruel to people and you know better. He knows better. But from that, it brought me kind of here where it's like new chapter and it's officially kind of started in the past six months.

36:08 And that's when I really kind of put a nail in it. And it's been interesting, but it put a perspective on me too with dating and gay dating. And also like I look back at what I was like in the closet. And I think like, holy shit, like, it's like, I can't imagine going through that at this stage of life, like other people. And then, yeah, I talked to other people who have similar things with like, everyone kind of had a closeted love. And it's torturous, and it's crazy. And then there's, and there's pernicious kind of evil ones like him who like date all these girls in the city. And I've had girlfriends who have like dated guys, and then this came out where they're like, holy shit, he was like, I found out he's fucking guys. Like, it's like, yeah, like it's. It's just bizarre, but it's it's becoming more mainstream talked about now But it definitely shaped a big part of my character. I think I'm now actually taking it as a gift. We're like Emotionally, I'm I feel so superior to how I was two years ago I think that's why I mean I've always been kind of EQ person that my friends come to for advice a lot of relationship advice Whatever, but like even in that situation. They're like you give such great advice, but like you're such a fucking hypocrite you take none of it Uh, and then I think now it's even like, I'm now better at doing that because I can have so much to base it. I have so much to pull from.

37:24 Um, like I've seen kind of the rock bottom, the worst of it and like the manipulation and the gas lighting and all the buzzwords, but yeah, uh, and it was tough and it was really hard and I had a really hard time with it. And I only now feel kind of grounded in it, uh, and like stronger from it. but it takes a minute I mean that's oh I'm sure yeah that's four it's four years of my life now if we're talking about the whole kind of cycle to where I am now it's about that and it's a lot that's a lot of time yeah so I guess what's the most valuable lesson you learn from the worst of it I think I mean in most I think there's I mean there's a lot I mean I think a big one which is the theme afterwards and when I look back what I kick myself for is like You have like if you don't have it like you have to have self -respect like I look back at that and you know, it's also when you see one of your friends who's like so desperately chasing someone and that person keeps rejecting them or doing whatever hurting them and then they keep coming back and you're just like it's pathetic and then you see yourself do it in hindsight like I was so pathetic like you do have to look through like a third like a lens also listen to your friends when they when they advise you because like that it is so important there to like third party perspective of people who like try you trust who love you like you can nip these things in the butter so much earlier. Because love is addicting. We all want love. We all want love. We all want love. We all want this story.

38:54 And then lust is a dangerous drug too. like if you really when I always if I lost after someone strong enough like I can get so delusional that I let them get away with anything free pass or anything it's been a big thing with my therapist has talked about it was just like I him and I had the love and I and it filled like this like fantasy of like I have this love with this guy but like then there's these few pieces that are big pieces but I was minimized and I'm being like yeah well you know because he always said like in a few years I'll come out I was like in a few years I'll come out and maybe I can maybe if I'm good enough now, I can expedite that process. I was like, Oh, he's my little hope. Right. But the, but the lust part is nothing to gloss over. And I say this to my girls all the time. He's so fucking hot. Like when they are, you know, obsessed with a guy and it's like, you overlook a lot. Um, and it's crazy. I mean, it is crazy. It is. And there's a whole theory of like men, you can get a control of like your lessons and like sex drive, like you master life.

39:49 Cause it's like, it can steer you in so many ways and skew your vision. And then I think my other one is never chase, never chase. Like I just think chase, it's just like you can't, it's always a bad sign. If you have to chase, it's already not it. It's not meant for you. What's meant for you will come to you. And also self -love and comfortable being alone. Like people, I have friends who can't be alone. you know any aspect but they just can't you can't sit alone with your thoughts yourself and That is a form of not loving yourself. And I think that's a big thing I'm so comfortable just like I can go like being alone Like I don't need to always fill the void of and that's what he would do like, you know It's like don't be like the other person like he you know couldn't be alone So he does have to fill the void by dating another person and dating another person and dating another person just to have something all the time But like if you can't be alone, like that's sad like you're doomed Sure. So it's a lot of takeaways.

40:51 But it's perfect. There are a lot of lessons. So let's say you met a wizard who could like send you back to do it all over again. Like what's the first thing you would do differently if anything? I think the first thing I would do differently is you bury the whole time I buried what I was thinking and what I really wanted and my needs and I prioritize just like Making it last another day and making it last another day and like hope hope hope you hold on to hope and you keep Kicking it down that you keep just being like I don't want to anger this person or or ruin this now So I'm not gonna speak how I feel or say what I feel and it's like you just have to communicate Communication and like full transparency right out the gate is so key, you know Bethany Frankel's new dating app shoot the whole thing is supposed to be direct like you can communicate immediately and if I early days in that We're really just sat him down and we're like, what are the hot like? Was a just like, so you love me and, you know, even if the answer was yes. And I said, what are the odds really that you are going to come out, that you can come out and we can date, you know, in the next whatever time frame. And if we just like had that conversation, you know, early on, instead of me just like rolling with it and letting him get away with anything and making excuses all the time, like we could have saved each other. I guess we could have saved each other a lot of fucking heartache and time.

42:09 I could have saved myself a lot. But again, it's like, would I People always say if you go back and have it never prevent it from ever happening. It's like, I don't know. Cause it's like all this I came, it did create a lot for me and create a lot of opportunity for me in terms of just like physically and mentally. I got so much healthier after going through this. It's almost like, like, uh, what's whatever that is called. Like when you're like scared, like you have a fear of something like flying or spiders and then they like expose you to it. And then like you come out of therapy. Yeah. Yeah. That's just, you should know that. I'm going to school. But it's like that kind of where it's like, because I wouldn't know any of this now. I'm like, I probably wouldn't if I didn't if it wasn't him, I would chase, you know, we're chased or made excuses for or like done this similar kind of deal with countless other people in that four year window, you know, because I would have never learned now I've learned.

43:03 So now when I go on date, when I talk to people, I can kind of see these flags or indicators, or at least just the sheer fact that I'll never get. strung along again, I stopped making excuses and I stopped accepting bare minimum. So it's an important experience. It's important to go through these things. Early days, my mom even said like she was, it was interesting, I'd never listened to her during this process, which obviously classic life. Mom knows best she tells you and you're like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But early days, like she was like, I remember earlier, she was like his kids are gonna is gonna she I remember she took up, he came over to meet my parents as like a friend. And he was like, asked my mama, can you take a picture of us, like me and him on the couch? And like he's asking, and she did. And right after she took the, he had his arm around me and was like smiling and doing all this. And she afterwards, I remember she just went, oh God. She went, oh boy. And I like, she kind of sidebar me. And she was just like, this one, she was like, this is going to be, this is, she was like, this one's going to push you, take you to your limits. And like, and she was like, and like literally that was, that's month one of four year journey. So like she was. She was right. And then she, you know, she then towards the end was like, when someone was like, what do you like, what do you how do you feel about it? Like, we're all openly talking about around a counter. And it's like, well, Wade's doing and Wade's relationship with his with this man. And she was like, I think everyone's, you know, for like, one of their strong loves has to be a big heartbreak. So like, she was like, this is good. Like, she was like, I've told him he knows he's smart. He's a smart boy.

44:35 Like, but he's choosing this because it's like you can't also can't uh deny your how much you played a part like i willingly participate i wasn't i have a gun to my head so it's like i chose that and i knew deep down better i obviously knew better but did it anyway nice um if you could say anything to the guy that you used to be what would it be have some self -respect, you pussy. That's the biggest haunt for me. I'm like, it's so pathetic. You're such a doormat. And I was such a fucking doormat to this one. I let him get away with anything and everything.

45:16 And my business partner sat me down and said, he was like, He was like, he was like, it's crazy. He was like in all areas of life that I've known you and seen you operate in and work and meeting that you never let anyone disrespect you in any way. And then he was like, this is the greatest form of disrespect. And you're just letting this person fucking get away with it. And it was right. And it was true. So it's that it's have some self -respect you. Nice. Yeah. Have some self -respect you pussy. Yeah. Oh, come on. At least I'm like the cops that you work out with. I know. They're rubbing off. They do rub off on me. I kind of am that. But in a weird way, I love.

46:03 that kind of communication style. I do too. There's something about it where it's like that old Italian, like it's very New Jersey. Yeah, it is. It's like very in me and like I and I pull it a lot and people like it's weird that you were this like gay man or like, you know, like I'll be like wearing leather pants. I'm like, you know, and then I'm like, you fucking pussy. Like, you know, it's it's I can't. I don't know. It is. It's good. That's direct, direct for sure. Um, so you talked a little bit about like the next chapter and you alluded to that like what is the next chapter? What comes next? the next chapter is I'm I am trying to lean into like Open to all and the unknown and and it's I think it's just like the first time that I have Kind of and again, I'm a bit I kept got in this journey I've gotten a bit more woo -woo in terms of like reference when I refer to like universe and universal size, but I do think like once you stop putting all your energy into something, especially something that's not good for you, like you just like allow all these other doors to open. And I've been seeing it in the past few months in terms of just dating life, of like me not pursuing anything and work life and just opportunities and experiences that have just kind of come naturally just because I'm kind of leading now with like focusing on myself and I'm leading with like kind of being gentle and kind and just that's kind of my motto and how I'm moving forward. And this is one of them. Like I said, like I went on a podcast and I talked about this, I talked about everything, I talked about my life, just talked about, and then other things. Like, you know, we talked about topics in general, like, you know, slow

47:35 walkers and people at the gym who are fucking annoying. But, and I just, again, walked away from it and felt good and really enjoyed it and felt a little fulfilled. And if my kind of mindset now is if anything feels fulfilling or good, like lean into it and go towards it and don't. stuff anything down anymore and make or press anything. So this is part of it. So we're doing it now. I love that. I love that. That's awesome. So you mentioned this when we talked and you kind of alluded to it a little bit earlier. You have become the resident dating advice, subject matter expert for your group of friends. And I'm just going to ask you. What advice would you give to a guy who like honestly is not dated in like 10 years and he's like ready to like maybe put himself out there again and like isn't sure where to start? Yeah, that's yeah Which is and I tell I say a lot of like my girlfriend and guy friends who are single or like re single You know dated had a long relationship stop And you know, and there's a reason people sometimes don't break up end of relationship that they know they're unhappy and it's because they're scared of being single again and going back out there and having to start over and everyone's scared of that because it's just like a lot and it takes a lot out of you in all regards and I think my advice is always a that time and age are meaningless like in terms of dating like

49:07 people put way too much weight into like you know I need to be seriously dating somebody by x you know 35 whatever the age is everyone's got a different age in their head and they put so much weight into it and it's just so irrelevant and so not true and it's it's stress that you've created on yourself and no one else is that you know and it's and it's just not real and I think if you are getting back in the game it's just you just need to be not stressed about it and not have a goal like I think I don't like this like I need to date to marry it's like just date like just date and see and you have and accept that you have no control over what's going to happen and like control you can control like if somebody you know you you go on a date with somebody and you out you a not into it like don't force it walk away or b you see things that remind you or you know are not healthy things that are not going to be good for you or just not compatible like walk away and don't just like get into something just for the sake of getting into something because it feels good and because you don't want to be alone because you're scared of being alone so again i think like the biggest thing is like that and that most people are doing this right now like It feels like not everyone is single and dating, but like most people are having the same fears, scrambling, dating. The people who aren't are just louder on social media. Like your friends who are married just post more than your friends who are single in terms of like their life. And you're like, oh shit, everyone, like my friends who like everyone's getting married.

50:31 I'm like, not really. Like it's like, you know, like 10 of our 30 friends are getting married, but like that's the minority, but it just feels like, holy shit, it's overwhelming. And there is no, there is no magic clock in the sky that has like a timeline that you have to stick to and there is no you know people date to their 30s and 40s and 50s and people date and break up after seven year relationships people get divorced like there's obviously you don't want divorce but like but you just don't know and you do it it's just it's not that serious that's kind of how i've started to look at it and it's not so systematic i'm like i don't like the apps either and i tell people like i i think the apps are useful in some regard because like if you're in a city and like there's someone that maybe your circles would have like not ever overlapped with but they are somebody that like does have mutuals or like you should theoretically know you know maybe they went to a similar school as you or like from a place and it's like you guys wouldn't you know you are maybe a good match but like maybe just whatever forever social reasons and you're just not going to be in the same room most likely like it's good it's like good you do get to meet the odd person you're like shit like we should have met organically but we luckily we had this app And it's also just good to get like exercise and repetition and like go on a date here and there you know It's a bad date bad dates are good. I think It's like it's just it's just data, but it's also I think Not good to get in that mindset of like dating systematically and being like I'm gonna use the apps I'm gonna go on two dates a week and if I don't go on this many dates a week I feel counterproductive and

52:01 I'm worsening my odds of finding someone because then you're just looking for like a candidate You're not looking for like love or like a partner, like a real partner, like a soul partner. In that regard, you're looking for a business partner. You're looking for a candidate. He's got a good job. He's from a good family, went to a good school, as if those should be your priority. And then you're like, we get along good enough. And he's funny enough. And we have enough fun. But that's not a love. That's not what we want. That's not love. That's just finding something that fits, that works. So it's like, I think yes, I get not loving the apps, but I think if you approach the apps in a less systematic way and kind of just casual and not so serious and look, but you don't have to like look every day and you think of it as like, if I don't do the apps and schedule dates, like I'm falling behind.

52:54 Um, and just remembering that there's no, there is no timeline or plan. Like it's just, you're going to just. got to just write it out and see. You hear a lot of stories all the time of people falling in love, and it's like, there's every shape possible. And it's rarely like, I went on seven hinge dates a week, every week, and then I found Jeff. And if that is what you want, you can do that. But it's just like, that's not what I think is true and genuine. And just putting yourself out there, go focus on yourself, go with your friends. I've met and I told you the doors have been opening. I've just been going out like now and like reaching out to new friends and old friends and trying to like foster new relationships that are friend relationships and like make fine meaning there and like love there.

53:44 And then we go to these, you know, we go to some event or some party or some, just some restaurant or some bar. And then like I bump into some random person and we start talking and I'm like, we go on a date and I kind of like each other. And it's like, all right, well, this is like, this could happen over and over in different ways with different people. It is, you just have to kind of open yourself up to it. Nice. And lean in. And just like remember, it's not that serious. Don't get stressed. That's good advice. I like that. Thank you. That was a lot. Tell the people where they can find you. Tell the besties where you're at, where they can find you, where they can find you. Really just primarily Instagram.

54:26 My Instagram is at George W. Belair. But yeah, and then hopefully on more podcasts soon. Do you want to come back on here? I'd love to come back on here. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, the the barrier to entry is like I'm gonna make you watch an episode of the Real Housewives and we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna I'm fine with that. Actually. I like I do I'm open to that. I've been trying to I've been trying to like get into things that I've been missing because I'm having some FOMO on those type of things where I'm like, there's no reason I shouldn't Be up -to -date and like know about that because I do but I do I enjoy that and I'll watch like I'd like to watch the older stuff of Bethany Frankel Okay, now that I like her now, like I'd like to see what she was like because I never knew her in that in that context And I I think I'll use that to like figure out which Well, friends from Indy to Manhattan to wherever you are. We love you.

55:27 Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Share us with your messiest friend. Rate and review us and we'll see you soon. See you soon. Thank you so much. Thank you.